Just the other day Branson was saying his bed time prayers, uttering the words “I wish Mema didn’t have cancer.” After his heart felt amen, he asked “What is cancer?”…..I took a long stare into his innocent eyes and thought to myself I hope he never feels the pain I felt at that very moment and weeks leading up to it.
Cancer does not discriminate; it does not consider your socioeconomic position, marital status or religion of choice. One would assume my time in healthcare as a nurse would have adequately prepared me to face this wicked beast, but it didn’t. The storm and rage of emotions that overcame me the day I found out my grandmother had cancer can’t be put into words. In fact, when I searched for words, I found only tears. Nothing could have prepared me for the fury that would overtake me, and I chose to channel that anger in a specific direction. I pushed every ounce of my hurt at the doctor, questioning his education and his ability to make an accurate diagnosis. Anger is said to be the second in the five stages of grief, preceded by denial, and followed by bargaining, depression, and lastly acceptance. These stages rang true for me, though I found anger the most challenging to escape from.
As I navigated through these stages and onwards towards acceptance, I reflected on the past year with my grandmother. I thought of all of the days before the doctors confirmed our fears, that I felt certain of my grandmother’s illness. I considered all of the times I denied my own intuition, pushing it aside out of fear of being right. I now wonder if those thoughts were related to my nursing instinct or rather, the Holy Spirit within me aiming to prepare me for the treacherous days ahead.
A man with squamous cell cancer, sitting to my left, waiting for his very first radiation treatment. He resembled my Dad, the two were the same age, and had the same haircut. This man had only just been given the news that he was to become a grandfather.
A husband of 52 years who spoke these words to me “I am caretaker now and it is different.” Their roles had reversed as his wife had been diagnosed with breast cancer, just completed chemo, and was beginning radiation treatment. The side effect, neuropathy of the feet and bounded to a wheel chair.
The list of strangers goes on, a room full of people, fighting demons, all of us the same in some way.
The wisest advice I have been given was to spend time with my grandmother before her time runs out.
I pass that advice onto you today. Cancer is a wicked, brutal thing, knowing no limits or boundaries. While we have no cure for the disease itself, we can not allow cancer to take the time you have left to love your family member or friend a little more, no matter how short that time may be.
“Time is the longest distance between two things” –Tennessee Williams
I would like to share some photos with you all. A few weeks after my grandmother’s diagnosis, we made a trip to New York City. While this trip was utterly exhausting, I will cherish it forever. The memories we shared are gems I will treasure for the rest of time.
